Don't
Get Me Started by
Kate Clinton
Let's get one thing straight. I'm not. And yes,
my brother is Bill Clinton. But not the Bill Clinton. These
two guys are very different. For one, whenever I hear President
Bill speak--on gays in the military, healthcare reform--I hear
that sound trucks make when they're backing up.
I was born on the cusp of Title IX, at a time
when the sports pages claimed only men played sports. When people
ask where I got my comedy training, I tell them teaching high
school English. I began performing stand-up in 1981, the same year
Ronald Reagan began his comedy. I never got used to saying
President Ronald Reagan. It was like saying President Merv
Griffin. Reagan wasn't so much a president as the host. He was
having such a good time playing president and going on vacation
that he decided to run again.
I'm out and proud. When I'm out and it's raining
I carry an umbrella. I used to be in but I hate the smell of moth
balls. My closet was huge, complete with a foyer, turnstile, a few
locks, dead bolts, and a burglar alarm that had to be deactivated
before I could even touch the door handle. And then there was the
storm door. It wasn't until I had lived and slept with a woman for
a year that it occurred to me to ask, "Do you think were
lesbians?" By the way, never come out to your father in a
moving vehicle.
Now I've written a book. It's not as easy as it
looks. One night, I was working late on my computer when a little
message came up on the screen, "You are almost out of
memory." Here are my thoughts and observations on everything
from gay marriage (Mad Vow Disease) to my morbid fear of mascots
(with the exception of the San Diego Chicken). That's all I'm
going to say because I don't want to spoil it for you. That's a
job for Jesse Helms.
I'll leave you with one last anecdote: Once when
my Dad was visiting, he sat through an evening of gay politics,
gay theory, gay gossip, and toward the end of the discussion, my
partner turned to him and asked, "Well, Mr. Clinton, what do
you think we as gay people can do to make more bridges to straight
people?" My Dad did one of his patented, exquisitely timed
pauses and replied, "Keep talking."
![Comedy You Can Dance To [LIVE]](../images/cover_clinto3.gif)
