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Coming Out!
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 Boys
Like Us : Gay Writers Tell Their Coming Out Stories by
Patrick
Merla (Introduction)
In stunning essays written especially for this
collection, 29 noted gay writers recount their true "coming
out" stories, intensely personal histories of the primal process by
which men come to terms with their homosexuality.
Twenty-eight of the nation's most-admired gay writers,
including Edmund White, Alan Gurganus, and Andrew Holleran, along with
rising talents, present never-before-published tales of their coming
out, spanning the years 1949 to 1995.
These are intense, sometimes unexpectedly funny tales
of romance and heartbreak, repression and liberation. Arranged
chronologically from Manhattan in the late 1940s to San Francisco in the
early 1990s, the pieces ultimately form a documentary of changing social
and sexual mores in the U.S. in the last half-century.
 Now
That I'm Out What Do I Do? by Brian McNaught
For many gay men and
lesbian women, the first step in a long journey is acknowledging
and accepting their sexuality. But what happens to those men and
women after they have come to terms with this aspect of their
lives? For many it means a complete reevaluation of very basic
issues: family, relationships, community, and love.
In this series of essays, McNaught explores
these various aspects of life that may now be called into question
for these men and women, and he sets out to educate and help guide
them through the challenges they may encounter.
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This helpful guide is from Getting Real
Online.
Excerpt:
Coming out is a big decision for anyone to make
- and it is one that we must make very carefully. Lots of things
need to be considered.. like whether you are ready.. who you
should tell, how you should tell them and what kinds of reactions
you can expect.
While for some people coming out is a step
towards greater integration in their lives, for others it is an
unnecessary complication. We have to decide for ourselves why we
would want to come out. Coming out will not solve all of our
problems and might even create come new ones...
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From the SUNY at Potsdam Counseling Center
Excerpt:
"Coming out" is the process through
which individuals come to terms with their lesbian or gay sexual
orientations. Coming out includes both learning about oneself and
sharing that knowledge with others. It also involves coping with
societal responses and attitudes toward homosexuality. The coming
out process is very personal. It happens in different ways and
occurs at different ages for different people. Some people are
aware of their sexual identity at an early age; others arrive at
this awareness only after many years. Coming out is a continuing,
sometimes lifelong, process.
While some anxiety related to sexuality is common among college
students, the problems facing gays are often more difficult than
those facing others. Because positive role models are often
difficult to identify, gay people may feel alone and unsure of
their own sexual identities. Also, fears of rejection may be
greater among lesbians and gay men due to prejudice in society
against homosexuality...
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From PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and
Gays). This site has lots of resources!
Excerpt:
Coming out is a process, not a single event. No
matter where you live, or what part of the process you are in, you
can always find a way to tell the truth about your life.
This can mean being open about your own
sexuality or out as someone with a gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgendered loved one. Often when kids come out of the closet,
their families go in...
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A guide to coming out for gay and bisexual men
by Douglas Newberry and Mark Rendell.
Excerpt from the Introduction:
This guide has been written for gay and bisexual
men of all ages who are thinking of coming out. We know that
making the decision to come out can be scary and stressful. It is
for these reasons and because of our work as gay men's health
workers that we put together this guide. We believe that useful
information and other people's experiences of coming out can help
to prepare you for some of the consequences that coming out to
family and friends may bring...
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The mission of this website is to provide a SAFE
and encouraging place for Gays and Lesbians to post their coming
out stories.
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There are well over a hundred individual coming
out stories listed on the Elight website. Read what actual
people have to say about their own, personal experiences.
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This is the Coming Out page of a bisexual, including links, resources, questions, and the stories of others.
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Coming Out to Children
From Uncommon
Lives, by Catherine Whitney, quoting Brian Miller's
chapter from Gay
and Lesbian Parents, edited by Frederick W. Bozett:
Miller suggests that the younger the children
are when they are told, the more accepting they tend to be --
especially if they have been taught to be comfortable with their
own sexuality. Miller outlines what the disclosure conversation
might look like.
When telling children, choose a quiet place
where you won't be interrupted. Keep your tone upbeat and sincere,
not heavy and maudlin. Make sure there is plenty of time for
explanations and expressions of feelings. Let your children know
that that this di sclosure does not change your relationship with
them except to make it more honest. The following are some
questions children ask and some suggested answers.
Why are you telling me this?
My emotional life is important and, by example,
I can teach you to value yours, too. If I'm secretive about sex,
you might get the idea that sex is frightening and something to be
hidden. Homosexuality is not contagious. Fear and shame are.
What does being gay mean?
Being gay means being attracted to another man.
It means being attracted so much that you might fall in love with
him and express love sexually.
What makes a person gay?
There are lots of theories, but no one knows
exactly what makes some people attracted to men and some attracted
to women. (Caution: the child might really be asking, "Will I
be gay?" or "How will I know if I am gay?")
Will I be gay?
You will not be gay just because I am. You are a
separate person. You will be whatever you are going to be because
of your own makeup and life experiences. I hope you will find
loving relationships and that you will be open to whatever your
life has t o offer.
Do you hate women?
This question might mean, "Do you hate
mom?" Coming from daughters, this question usually means,
"Do you hate me?"
Did your lover make you gay?
My gayness is a function of my own sexual
orientation, not something that was forced on me by someone else.
My lover, however, has helped me to express my warm and tender gay
feelings.
What should I tell others about this?
If you have friends that you want to tell, try
it out. If you have a bad experience, let's talk about it. We can
learn together the best ways of sharing this.
Miller's sensitive approach makes it possible to
see how a loving and open conversation with one's children can be
a positive experience. Treating children with respect goes a long
way toward diminishing their concerns. When you communicate the
message, "This is none of your business" or "You're
too young to understand," a child is left with his or her
private fears -- usually much worse than reality. Miller's
conversation sample is designed to demonstrate the tone that
should be set, rather than to actually answer the many questions
that might be raised. For example, he doesn't suggest a way to
ease children's unspoken fear that their father's homosexuality
means he might hate their mother, or hate all women, including
female children. However, by alert ing gay fathers to the fact
that this fear might exist, Miller implies that it should be
addressed. Often, many children have trouble seeing the end of
their parent's marriage as anything but a personal rejection of
them and sometimes even their fault. A homosexual man who is
leaving his family to live with a male lover must be careful not
to give his children the impression that homosexuals hate women.
This might best be handled by talking about the different ways
people love each other. To find help add ressing these complex
concerns, Miller urges family counseling with an informed
therapist.
The Texts:
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Daughters of Bilitis
1151 Mass Ave.
Old Cambridge Baptist Church
Cambridge, MA 02138
617-661-3633
Boston's Daughters of Bilitis began in 1969 to
provide community, political and social support for women coming
out, and for newcomers in the Boston / Cambridge area. This
chapter continues to be the last surviving chapter of the very
first lesbian organizations in the United States. The
organization was founded in 1955 in San Francisco, CA.
Activities are open to women over the age of 18.
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Help for those who have come to understand that
heterosexuality is merely a clever, deceptive identity
construction that can trap a person into a shameful heterosexual
lifestyle.
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This helpful guide is from The Also
Foundation. Questions to ask yourself (ones discussed on
this site) are: Do you really want to come out? Is it
safe to come out? Who do you tell first? When is the
right time?
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The Human Rights Campaign sponsors the National
Coming Out Project, an ongoing project to promote honesty and
openness about being lesbian, gay or bisexual on campus, in the
workplace and at home. Its public education and outreach programs,
such as Coming Out on Campus, open a dialogue with gay and
straight Americans and urge gay, lesbian and bisexual people to
come out and get involved.
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by Sara Brammer
The process of coming-out has been
a hot topic in professional literature today. Coming-out has been
defined as: the developmental process through which gay people
recognize their sexual preferences and choose to integrate this
knowledge into their personal and social lives
The process of coming-out is not an
easy one. In fact, many people believe that the process takes
years and involves the individual progressing through several
stages of development.
On this site you can read about the
developmental stages of coming-out.
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NCOP-DFW is an independent 501(c)(3) nonprofit
educational organization closely associated with the Human
Rights Campaign in Washington, D.C. We're not just about
National Coming Out Day anymore -- NCOP-DFW offers year-round
educational outreach to the GLBT and non-GLBT community in the DFW
area. Our mission statement:
Being open and honest about who we are every
day promotes acceptance and empowerment for all, one person at a
time. The Dallas area National Coming Out Project encourages
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered persons and supportive
others to take their next step in the life-long process of
coming out.
Our focus is education about coming out and the
many issues surrounding this process, and raising awareness of the
GLBT presence in our community. NCOP also promotes positive
images of gays, lesbians and bisexuals through its sponsorship of
events around the country. These events encourage gay people
everywhere to "come out" -- in other words, to be honest
about their sexual orientation to friends, family members and
co-workers.
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An online reference guide fot the GLBT
community. Includes terms, slang, biographies, and histories.
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Coming out means identifying yourself as gay,
lesbian or bisexual. The first and toughest person you have to
reveal this to is yourself. Then you can deal with friends and
family. For many people, the coming out process is difficult. But
most people come out because, sooner or later, they can't stand
hiding who they are any more. Once they've come out, most people
have to admit: It feels much better to be open and honest than to
lie and hide. This guide can help with the liberating
process of coming out.
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Youth Guardian Services is
a youth-run, 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that provides
support services on the Internet to gay, lesbian, bisexual,
transgendered, questioning, and straight supportive youth.
Youth Guardian offers
email lists for communicating online with peers on all sorts of
LGBTQ issues.
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